Full disclosure: I watch some really questionable television. I mean, I also watch the good stuff.  (I was happier to see Don Draper last night than I would be to see some family members.) But the shitty stuff? I'm sad to say I look forward to it week after week, season after season -- enough that if the Nobel Prize committee considered bestowing an award upon Andy Cohen, while I wouldn't campaign for him to win, I'd accept why it was happening.  For better or for much (oh God, so much) worse, I don't think anyone has recently shaped our aspirational culture more.

So when I heard there was going to be a reality show following Lindsay Lohan as she pretended to navigate her faux sobriety, I literally programmed the premiere date into my phone so I wouldn't miss it. The first night it was on, I settled on my sofa, microwave popcorn by my side, practically breathless with anticipation.