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Fathers & Daughters

WHEN MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT

WHEN MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT

Every once in a while, someone says something that at first listen sounds absolutely preposterous, but after a beat of time passes by – a beat where time itself ceases to have anything resembling a reality or a rhythm – the sentiment you so easily discarded just seconds before begins to make real sense.  This is not to say that the bit of truth that’s just been verbally tossed your way will suddenly make your life better.  No, my friends – accepting something to be valid that only one moment before seemed nothing but insane is bound to fuck you up at least a little bit.

AUGUST 17th

AUGUST 17th

August seventeenth.  

I’m fourteen years old and I have been gone for the entire summer, shuttling around the country on a luxury bus with forty other teenagers.  I walked the starkness of Alcatraz and gazed at the height of Mount Rushmore.  I camped in tents in Nebraska.  I rode a horse named Caramel in Bryce Canyon and went waterskiing in the glow of Lake Tahoe.

Everywhere I went, I had with me a bulky camera and a notepad that turned into a journal.  I wrote down what I saw and how each thing made me feel.  I bought postcards and scrawled happy messages on them and mailed them home to my mother and my father.  The postcards were sent to different places since my parents hadn’t lived in the same house for almost a decade.

TRIVIA NIGHT

TRIVIA NIGHT

When I was about seven years old, Wheel of Fortune mania swept through the nation and nobody was better at that game than my father.  The kind of genius who would do The New York TimesSunday crossword puzzle in pen, my father was a professor of English and Comedy and the smartest and most hilarious person I have (still) ever known.  He was this compelling mix of the highest of the highbrow and the lowest of the lowbrow – and he pulled such a dichotomy off with style.  Want an example?  He was a huge hockey fan and we went to games all the time and had seats in the fourth row, right near the Islanders’ bench.  The refs knew him and they hated him because the things he would shout to them – after a day of teaching college classes about the esoteric nature of Tolstoy’s prose or how many different synonyms Roth was able to come up with for the word “penis” in Portnoy’s Complaint – were vile.  I remember one ref skating by and glaring at my father, yelling that he should cut his hair.  I remember my father laughing at that guy and how sometimes he would pull out a rubber chicken that he found somewhere and tossing it onto the ice.  I have absolutely no understanding of why he had a rubber chicken or from whence that rubber chicken came or what the significance might be for tossing it onto the ice, but what I do know is that he named the rubber chicken “Elsinore” after Hamlet’s hometown.  Even today – even after all of those years have drifted by and he’s been gone for so many of them – I still laugh about it all, about that chicken, about those refs, about the fact that a certified genius almost always had a toothpick in his mouth.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Starting on the snowy eve before I turned one – and continuing on until the night before my thirteenth birthday – my father wrote an annual letter to me.  After writing each one, he would place the paper into an envelope, seal it, scrawl his signature across the flap, and then write the date of the letter across the front.

On the night of my thirteenth birthday, he and I embarked on the event that I’d looked forward to ever since my sister had experienced her very own thirteenth birthday extravaganza.  We went to dinner at The Four Seasons and sat so close to the pool that I could have stuck my fingers into the water and I don’t remember what I ate for dinner, but I know that I ordered the Chocolate Velvet for dessert and that they also brought me a cloud of cotton candy with some ice cream hidden beneath the perfectly formed fluff of sugar.  Afterwards, we went to see a Broadway show – Penn and Teller.

The whole thing was glorious, in spite of the fact that I was wearing a white satin drop-waist dress that had fringe all over it and my hair was asymmetrical and curly, giving me the appearance of an unfortunate looking hedge.  Holy shit, did my gawky stage suck, but it didn’t matter later that night when my father and I sat on my bed and I was able – finally – to open my letters.

SHOW A LITTLE FAITH, THERE'S MAGIC IN THE NIGHT

SHOW A LITTLE FAITH, THERE'S MAGIC IN THE NIGHT

"I know I was lost for a while and you just got me back," my fluffy, white Maltese proclaimed. "But I have a Philosophy lecture to attend, and I don't want to miss it. Can I please go?"

"Well, Wookie," I answered patiently, "your eyesight is not great, so I'm afraid that you won't be able to find your way back to me. I don't want you to miss class, though. I'll take you."

And then I woke up.